Real Life...

I know this probably isn't the first post you'd expect to see from an author's blog, but I figured I'd be true to form on just who I am...

And today, I'm a plumber! No, that's not my day job. And after this experience, I'll never complain again about what a plumber charges!

MJ at her finest!

Your question might be, "Well who are you?" It honestly depends on the day.

Yesterday, I was burning a pile of brush the size of a house with my mom. Chain sawing logs, driving an excavator to pull out the heavier cut trees, then a skidsteer to push as much as I could toward the fire.

The day before that? I was cutting 2x8x16 foot boards then climbing a ladder with my dad to install rafters in our barn.

I've done renovations (a lot of them!), carpentry, electrical, plumbing. Got my real estate license (which I've truly enjoyed working with some fabulous people over the years!). And years before all this? I was in the military, visiting places around the world I'd like to avoid in the future!

But today? Today I'm a plumber.

My parents text me last night, "Hey Mary, I believe we have a water leak. Dad turned the water off so don't worry about coming over tonight. But we think a pipe burst under the hall bathroom. Maybe I shouldn't have taken a bath last night?"

Obviously, it wasn't the bath! So I get over there and crawl under the house (the opening to get in is very wide, but once you're in it turns to a belly crawl right quick). Of course the burst pipe was the furthest position back, in the smallest space (why wouldn't it be!), and yep, an elbow in the water line blew off.

In the light of day this morning I put on my overalls, went to Lowe's for supplies, then put on my mask, goggles, gloves, and grabbed my bag of plumbing stuff to begin my slow crawl.

Finally making it to my position through the maze of the crawlspace, having at one point needed my small shovel to dig a ditch to get under the HVAC return box, I was there. However, at this point, I'm covered in sweat and mud, I can no longer see through my fogged glasses or breathe through my mask. I RIP them off my face before I suffocate!

Then, I begin the prep work on the water line. Once it's ready, I put the new crimp ring on the pex pipe, push in the brass elbow and give the crimp ring a slight squeeze with my pliers so it doesn't move from position.

But now, I can't get a good angle with my giant cinch clamp. There's a waste pipe in one direction, the HVAC duct in another. After several moments of thought I realize I can maneuver to the other side. However! From this position I can't lay on my back, I have to squeeze roll to my stomach then lift the front half of my body up like a seal. Yes! A seal.

I'm FINALLY ready to cinch the crimp ring. I push together the clamp and realize I don't have enough strength!! After several attempts I put my head down, swear a little, cry a little, then tell myself, "You are not leaving this coffin space until this is done!"

Gathering all my wits and strength I 'seal' up and squeeze as hard as I possible can when the clamp finally POPS. YAAAAAS! By some miracle I've done it! Oh but wait... I need to turn my clamp a quarter degree and do it again... Lord help me...

With gusto I manage to clamp it a second time.

Although it was silent minus the pouring rain outside (of course it was raining), in my mind I heard a crowd cheering me on!

Crawling out was slightly more difficult as turning around wasn't an option. Backwards I go into the abyss of the crawlspace. When I finally find purchase to my knees, I kneel on something VERY hard which puts me face down in the dirt. And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. Just another day in the dirt for me.

With a little luck, a few swears, a couple tears that no one saw, and some serious guidance from my dad over video messenger, it was done!

You might now ask, "So when do you write?"

Well, usually between 5:30-8am, or after 7pm. Kind of depends on the day!

Emerging from the depths...

"You're just gonna stand there??"

So who am I? Solid question... ask me tomorrow...